almondeye7's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Miranda I'm worried about Miranda. She is still having such a hard time in school and with her behavier. She just can't follow directions. She wants to do whatever she wants whenever she wants. And lately she hasn't been enteracting with the other kids. Because she's so quite and has been keeping to herself the teachers told me yesterday that they think she mite be depressed. That combined with her already existing problems, I'm concerned. This totaly perplexes me. I've been on top of the world. And because of that the last couple of weeks I have been more attentive, calmer and more pleasant around my daughter. Witch is why I'm confused. This problem started before Chris and I met so he can't be the problem, pluse she adores him. As far as her behavier is concerned, I'm at a complete loss. I teach her about respect and about patience. She just is missing a step. What really has me worried is besides the fact that she starts School in a few weeks, is that she DOSE seem a little off. I don't know what I can do. I hate that she is having a hard time and I don't know how to help her. The thought had never crossed my mind before now that something mite really be wrong with her. I'm sure the ADD test will come back positive. What then? I know that means it's going to be tougher for the both of us. Do I have enough strenth? It's so hard to be truly happy when your kid isn't. She used to laugh and sing. She dosnt do that as much anymore. Why? I try to think back and the truth is nothing has happened that has been differnt. nothing that should warrent this sort of behavier. She's just not herself and it's scaring me a little. I spend hours with her everyday on the commute talking to her and teaching her and reading to her. We spend at least a half an hour each night before she goes to bed just reading and Then I still sing to her. What happend? I want my happy little girl back! This makes me sad. It has been so hard for her the last few months that I have foregotten that school is right around the corner. I wish I could get this all worked out before she starts Kindergarden but I know that wont happen. I just want Miranda to fit in. And I know that kids that are differnt get picked on, teased, and bullied. I pray that she will somehow make it through with out having to deal with that. I want so much to protect her. What if her kindergarden teacher is'nt as willing to work with me as her preschool teachers have done? What if she gets lost in the crowd or what if she falls through the cracks? Sometimes I have to wonder if all this is MY fault. Maybe I really havent been a good mother. Although I have been told that I am. Still when I look at Miranda and all the problems she's having I cant help but to think about all the problems I had when I was younger, I was teased and picked on in school couse I was differnt. I had trouble with social skills, like her. As an adult now, looking back I'm sure I had ADD and my parents just didnt understand or know about it. I remember how tough and scary it was for me when I was real little. It got better as the years rolled by...but I think not having the help I need hurt me alot in the long run. Maybe Miranda will have a better shot at overcomming whatever it is thats wrong with her. Now that I'm working with her now. I swear to God...I just want her to do wel and be happy. I pray...And I pray...As a parent I still have to put some of the blame on myself. After all isnt she a direct product of me? Aren't I the example? Am I doing something wrong? I must be. My little girl is unhappy and she's scared somehow...and I don't know what went wrong or how I can help her. This is the worst feeling in the world. I feel helpless. 8:24 a.m. - Wednesday, Jul. 17, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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