almondeye7's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Venting Well, What the hell have I gotten myself into? I mean christ! I've been with him for like a year and a half and sometimes (alot) of the time he treats me like I mean nothing to him! He puts his work before me. Will it always be this way? I mean, He dosen't do little things to show me that he wants this realtionship. He never gives me a straight answer about anything! When he's mad, he calls me names, puts me down, and makes me fell like a child. Even when he's wrong! He won't talk straight with me about his job, his life, his friends. He makes me feel so fucking stupid. And I hate him when he trats me that way. He says one thing, and dose something else. He is so absentminded and scatterbrained! And he changes his mind on a pin, I mean sometimes....Christ! He blames his ADHD...COME ON!!! Give me a break! all my life I've lived with ADHD, I've studied it up close...I've reserched it far more than he, What David has is NOT ADHD, or ADD or any form of it. What he is is LAZY, and STUBBORN! I mean he's been up in the clouds chasing butterflies around like a idiot. Wasting his life, then he sits around and "wonders why nothing is happing in his life" His dreams are sometimes "grandious" and by striveing to reach half of his "goals" he misses out on so much. I mean he's trying to learn to do algebra before he knows how to add, or trying to run berfore he can even walk. He is impractical, alot of the time about his life and how to get there, and he refuses to let me help him, All be damned if Angela is really on to something, forget taking her advise, Even when it's about things I know he knows I am better tha he at. God! I am "supposed" to be his "best friend" Yae Riiiight....Friends listen to one anouther, had he listened to me in the beginning, he would be making a bit more money. I mean, COME ON! he wasjhed window for 6 months, making about as much as me, A little less even! Knowing full well he had the potiental, and opportunity better than I to make more. I begged him, BEGGED him to get an early morning or eveing job, just for a little while to supplment income, but no! He wouldn't budge! Not even a little. When I suggested I go out and get a night job, his response? No...Thats not whats best for anyone! And now, NOW>...He has joined forced with the big wigs... and dose he even know why? I don't mond if his working long hours, I expect it. I mind that he take a "small" measure of his day to work on "us" But watever. I don't hound him. I don't call him all day. When I call him he rarely answers, and when we do talk, sometimes he is so misgided about issues...He dosn't see what he's doing. At least I saw what I was doing and I'm making an effort to stop. God, I am so invisible to him sometimes. I miss him, and I says..."So" God, how low. There are some people in this world, that nobody even thinks about in the day. He is blessed, to have me and Miranda. Thats how I feel. And he treats us second best. I mean what a fool am I? Always thinking that one day he's just going to tell me he needs me? He adores me? He can't live without me? I need to wake up! Maybe he's useing me. Maybe he is......I don't know.....I getting sad now. Even when I think about it hard enough, I don't know about him, I just don't. Maybe I should just let him go and break it off myself. He's not really into me anyway. I just wish I could tell myself that I don't love him with all of my heart. I wish I could tell myself that I can stay mad at him for more than a nano second. I'm the fool. I really am. I don't know how much more I can take. He needs to just be a man, and make some destitions and organize his fucking life, do his fucking taxes, pay his fucking bills, and stip chasing butterflies without a net. Stupid. I don't want to live with just barly enough to survive. Even if I had to work at jobs that I didn't want and or put a little of my life on hold to make the bills and fed myself, I would (and have!) What he dose with his life just dosen't compute. Why is he so iresponsible sometimes? Here is what I intend to do, get on my feet and walk out. If he dosn't ask me to stay and fight for me, I'm gone. I deseserve somone who will just love me for who I am, and share thier life with me. Everyone deserves that. If he keeps on the way he is. He's going to end up growing old alone. I can't put myself in the middle of his madness much longer. 8:47 p.m. - Thursday, Jul. 20, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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