almondeye7's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ACK! I don't know whats happing to me...Here is this fantastic, endearing , handsome man who I adore. Yet, he is impossible. He makes me crazy. I love him. Miranda loves him. What can I do? I love him. But, I cannot go on this way...I need to have some stablity in my life. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. David Changes his mind about what he wants to do with his life...and talks of making major changes in his life almost constantly. Honestly that kind of thinking scares me. It isn't what I was taught a responsible adult does. Although I know that I am not always a responsible adult, I don't go back and forth almost weekly about what I REALLY want to do with my life. What am I to do when he wants to be an actor one week and going to auditions and the next week wanting to start an online busniness? How do I respond to a man who has said things like: "I'll do Real Estate and maybe I'll be a loan officer too..." !?!?! I don't even think you can do that...how would he find the time? Maybe he dosn't get it...He thinks the worst of me always. When we fight..when we don't fight. Maybe it's too late for us. Maybe I have already caused this. Maybe he has. I was taught "The key to suceeding, is sticking with something by and by" For the most part I found this to be quite true. And it always turns out that I feel more acompished when I stick to something...like I did with school. My grandma use to say "well, hang in there." David is 36 years old. I love the dreamer in him...but he needs a reality check. He can't "swim" in the clouds from week to week. I would respect him more if he picked something to build his dreams on and just went with it and really put his all into it- all the time. He would succeed if he did that. I know because I've been making the same mistake. I just figered it out...I know what I'm gonna do. I'm going to take pictures, I'm going to belive in the power of prayer, I'm going to hope for sunshine but prepare for rain. But how can I do that? We have to streach it from week to week sometimes months on what little money I make and what David gets from washing windows. While we wait for deals to close...sometimes he has no clients for weeks and weeks. If he were determined and passionate about Real Easte he would have closed lots more than he has. Honestly I don't really care what he dose, has long has it's lucritive. Would he think diffently of me if I spent all my time writing a book I never intended to publish? I just wish he would focuse on something...Anything. And stick with it on a consistant bais. For months we have been barely surviving on 1000 to 2000 a month for as long as I've known him. Wendee his sister says for years and years David has talked about "getting it together" but dosn't take the steps nor is he consistant at doing it. Is this true? Ok. So why dosen't he just learn from his mistakes and try another way at doing things instead of "Dave's way?" My prayer is that Somehow, David and I can work together and that David will find peace with himself. I see that he struggles deep down with this. I am here to help him. I am here for him. I love him, so I'm here. Jesus will you come down around me..Help me take a stand, You just got to see me though another day... 10:27 p.m. - Monday, May. 15, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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