almondeye7's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another man A little about me...I tend to misplace my feelings sometimes. Sometimes I overeact to situations that I feel are too much of a bother or to stressful. I think I do this because I spent so many years being misarable, that any constant negative point in my life just drains me. It's hard for me to belive the differnces in myself in just over a year...I think last spring I was popping prozac? or something like it. Kimbel put me through hell. He stole from me. He lied to me. He cheated on me. He played games with me and said hurtful things. He caused me to lose jobs. He made my kids life harder than it should have been. He took my self worth. He stripped me clean of my pride or dignity. All this I did in the name of "love" This was not love. This was self torcher. I stayed with him only because I wanted the company and sex. I need someone too share my misery. Some one to bitch with. It amazes me that I let myself in that situation. I mean me and Kimbel? Those who knew us I'm sure were puzzled by us. Afterall his friends always said that I wasn't his "type" I'm glad that I'm not. Hate to see his type. I think there was a part of me that kindda needed to destroy myself. Or at least try to. Why did I do this? All I know is it was the worst 2 years of my life. Over the last year I have healed what ever it was that was eating me. I needed to find out who I was, I think. I'm glad I did. When I took that lone camping trip up north last fall, I came to grips about who I was. and about who I wanted to be for my daughter. I also thought about who I should be. My roll in society. I came home a new women. I dumped the pills and worked my ass off. I also learned so many valuable leasons comming out of that. About what it ment to want more. What I really wanted. Who I was..... Fast forward to the best time in my life. In many ways Chris is a very differnt person than me. But somehow I feel a loving trust for him. He makes me a better person....I feel like I could tell him anything...but I just don't want him to think bad of me, or burden him with my problems and my past. My baggage. I belive in us. I want with all that is in me for it to work. I love that he seems so perfect for me. In so many ways he is perfect. I must admit. When I got online 2 months ago in my wildest dreams, I didn't think that i would meet Chris. He said one time that he wasnt supposed to meet me yet. Thank God he did! Angela 8:23 p.m. - Monday, Jul. 22, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||