almondeye7's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back for now.... I know it's been a few weeks since I have written in here...But rather than to go into my life and what has become of the "Futon Queen" ( I am tempted to write about my thoughts on this, but not right now.) I am no longer working there. I have since joined the ranks of the unempolyed agian. Why is it that a job that is 9-5 with good pay so hard to find. Really. In the paper: work 12-9pm! Sleep in! Fly to work with no traffic! Bla Bla Bla....It goes on and on...companies that will only work you 39 hours a week so they don't have to pay benifits. Companies that mislead you untill the very end.... What about the people that Can't work those hours...Maybe I don't wanna sleep in. On the flip side...There are a few companies that I'm looking into that mite work out. I'm trying to stay positive. Although things have changed between Chris and I. Sometimes I feel disconnected from him. I don't know what has happened. Sometimes he's too tired to pay attention to me. Sometimes I look at him and I feel like he's a stranger. In many ways he still is. I guess the strain with money and the day to day hussle and bussle has left us close ended at the end of the day. All I want is him... I need to HEAR that I'm wonderful...I need to HEAR that I'm beautiful...I need to HEAR him tell me that he loves me without me saying it first. I don't see what the problem is. I've heard from somewhere one time that you teach people how to treat you. Meaning...I should treat him with the notion that this is how I WANT to be treated. It's nothing big really..But it's more of all the little things. I always tell him how handsome he is. I bring him flowers. I stop what I'm doing and go over to him just to hold him or give him a massage. Just the other day he wouldn't even stop doing housework to kiss me. Am I this repulsive? How could I ever come second to the dishes? I got sick 3 days go. There I was hunched over the tolet getting sick and where was he? Doing the dishes...Did he stop to confort me? No. On the other hand...I relise that Chris is a non verble comunicater, in that he dose things that are sweet and loving all the time. Just in his own way. He sometimes misses what is really important for the situation...He told me that when someone is getting sick he gets sick witch is why he didn't confort me just then. But what he dosnt see is the sacrifices that he should make from time to time. No one LIKES to see thier partner or child sick...But the right thing to do is to be there for them. He just sometimes misses that. He drives Miranda to and from school, witch is awsome but then wonders why I'm bitchy when he doesnt stop the housework for 5 minutes of cuddling. Or he gets edgey if things get a little stressed around here...I deal with it the best I can...but I always find time for whats REALLY important. Him. What will happen to us if we forget what brought us together in the first place? We used to kiss for hours and hours. What happened to THAT. I'll tell you what has happened. Dishes, Money, work...Life. Here is what I want. For him to come home just for 1 day and pretend that he hasn't seen me in weeks. I want his hands all over me the way they used to be. I want him telling me over and over that he loves me. I want to make out on the couch. I want to make love like animals. I guess what I want is the Please do not disturb we are "In Love" attitude again. Is that lost forever? I hope not, cause thats what makes "us" so special. The magic. As far as everything else in my life...time will tell.. Angela 3:13 p.m. - Friday, Nov. 22, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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