almondeye7's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Memeries...Letter to Jerry # 3 well, well the tangled webs we weave, Okay so I lied it wasnt a big lie but now I feel bad. Since I quit my old job and took the other positon...I "failed" to tell the babysitter, I really didnt need her all last week, but I thought "what the hell" I need a break! Hell it was only 3 days. The worst part if she's agreed to watch Miranda for free, so here I was with a week between jobs useing the time to myself. To go for a drink, to see friends, to just be by my self, I figered "I'm gonna need her next week anyways, why tell?" Well everyone "told" on me. apparently lorie was not feeling good today and so she tried calling my old job..where they said I quit for them last week, so she called Miranda's other provider and asked her where to reach me, since fay dosen't know I work in the evenings ( because if I told her then she would tell the state and I would have to claim the other job...and that means no more free daycare.) she said to try calling Jake, the emergency contact. Now Jake lives 50 miles away on the other side of the water....and so lorie called him and since he watches Miranda half the week and knows that I was switching jobs...he told her that yes, I had quite and yes, I had a new job and no, he didnt know where to reach me because I was going out with friends tonight..( why would he go and blab to her?) Oh hell it was my last "freebie night" I start the new job tomorrow night. Well she called me here just as I was leaving for my buddys house and said that she was not feeling good and "could I find other arangements" and told me that my job had said that I wasnt there anymore...well I tried to cover, but I was just so caught off guard...anyway now I'm trying to figer out what I should tell her. What if on wednesday she wont watch Miranda? Then I'm fucked.. Jake pissed me off by telling her all that shit, he could have just kept his hole shut! ahh well. I hate being caught in a lie....it's just so fucking stupid.
Fuck. Well on to better news...My Jerry. I made a mistake and showed him my diary..he kinda fliped out...( all the lovey dovey Chris bullshit) Grrrr. Anyway I think we are better now...God I cant waint untill everything is right between us..and he's here. And things wont be right untill he is here. This is the only man That I already have a History with. How neat. I love that we can rewind time and dig up old memories. We were talking last night about the time that me made love in his parents Van in the middle of the night. LOL *giggle* It was so dark that we lost the condom wrapper, and he was so freaked out. I remeber he kept saying ..Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck over and over and we were both kinda laughing in this nervose giggle and kissing and hugging at the same time... Christ! has it REALLY been 13 years? Has it been That long since I have touched him? Has it been that long the last time I was allowed to kiss him? Where dose the time go? I cant belive..this is REALLY going to happen.pitch me am I dreaming? I feel like all those silly high school dreams are comming true. I used to sit in class and draw little hearts with his name in them , I used to fill notbook pages writting our names together over and over, I lied to my parents and snuck out to see him. I was grounded over and over...but I couldn't stay away from " the older boy" I would fill my diary as a teenager with "drama" about how I "needed him," and "loved" and if God would only "put us together..." Why, I do belive I filled 4 diarys with every page about him...I wish I handnt burned my diarys when I was 20. Thants right when I was 20 I burned every diary I had ever had. Why? I dont recall, I know now that it was a stupid thing to do. I cant even think of the right words to tell this man...that would even come close to how I feel about him...I'm going to think about it and invent a word for us... I remember our stollen nights, our laughter, our kisses, his mustash on my lips...his hands on my hips..I remeber getting lost in him and one time I think even came to him and told him I wanted to run away with him. And in my teenage haste had even packed a bag... And this I'll never forget..He was standing in the parking lot between the "rink" and the minni mart and he said..."baby, if I'm going to run away with you, we're going to need a bigger bag" That night he sat with me on the bleachers and just held me..and told me over and over that he love me..he stroked my hair and told me that I was alright and that he was going to take care of me and someday...we would be together agian. I remeber that night so vividly...I was 17. I was in love, and that was our last night together. He was stationed off the next afternoon while I was in school. After he had gone..( Jerry never knew this) but I guess he will now, I went back to "our park" Were we had met so many times..I layed in that tunnle and wanted to die. It was 3 am and all I did was cry, I mean I bawled like a baby and screamed out into the sky...I didnt want to go on with out him. and now after all this time...can you belive the promise he made to me that night on the bleachers..is true. He kept his promise and he's going to take care of me. "Someday" is here.. and now I know that wishes and dreams really do come true... *BIG Smile* Angela
10:18 p.m. - Monday, Aug. 30, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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