almondeye7's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A letter to the women that shares my name Ang, Hello, I'm glad you wannna start talking agian. Lots of things are going on in my life. I have about a month left of my externship, and then I'm on my own...I have a new boyfriend... He just moved here from North carolina I was doing the internet dateing thing on matchtrust and low and behold there he was...well we hooked up and everything is peachy. We are so alike that it's scary. his birthday is 3 days after mine...so we are both libras (God help us) He's 30. he has blond hair and blue eyes, He spent the week with me...he also writes and he plays music. We have the same ideas on things...there are so many things that we do that are alike it's truly scary. anyway. He reminds me of Chris...(my ex boyfriend in San Fran.) The way that he treats me. As you know Chris and I were very much in love...just going differnt ways in life. He just is such a sweet man and he wants to take care of me. When I said that I could take care of myself..He said "let me be the man and do what a men do..." so he wants to help me with my rent and pay some of my bills...I feel very connected to him. and he is just as tick tock as me about some things...we saw that in eachother and laughed..He makes me happy and I can't wait to see where it goes. Anyway thats looking really good. As for Miranda...She's doing good on her meds but right now I'm thinking about holding her back in the 1st grade. The 2nd grade is going to be really rough on her because during last year with her ADD she lost abput 6months of learning time. I think Jazzy and Miranda have differnt kinds of ADD Miranda had a hard time paying attentiion and following through, so it made things hard. Besides the kid always daydreamed and that made learning hard. I asked the teacher about Miranda and she said that Miranda is one of the most attentive students in her class...(So I know the med is working) she said that Miranda is trying so hard to "get it" but is about 6months behind. The teacher didnt even know Miranda was ADD. and she was surprized and said, Miranda is one of the most involved and thoughtful kids in the class. She is not getting fusterated, she's putting on the "tough girl face" and doing her best. But I think I have made the choice to send put her back in the 1st. I dont want her to struggle along. I think that if I hold her back this year then she will be alot better off. I've talked to Miranda about it, and although she was upset at first, now I think she's okay with it. She wants to learn the stuff she missed. anyway if all goes right I'll have her switch in a week or two. Other then school, Miranda seems to be doing real well on her meds... She has a little insombia and a wierd eating schedule but thats all. I've seen a big diffence but she's still Miranda and still has her days witch is cool, I didnt want someother kid.all of a sudden.. Pluse My kid wouldnt be my kid without some sort of drama every now and again..lol. As for me...I'm worried about going out to find a pharmacy job..it'll be tough and I'm scared because I've forgotten alot of stuff. I'll miss the pharmacy I'm at right now, they cant hoire me cause they dont have an opening. But I'm armed with 4 letters of recomendation from the school and my 94.65 grade point average and the head pharmisit at longs is going to write me a letter too, so at least I have some backing. pluse she is going to make some calls and I also have been keeping in contact with alot of pharmacies in my area for quite sometime...so maybe it wont be that bad...but I think I'm going to move to where ever I get a job...it would be a whole lot easer in the long run. Right now I'm working at a telemarketing place over here in Burien..it's near the QFC. It's working with the king county sherifes office. anyway I like it because it's close to home and I dont have the transportation issues that I had with other jobs. The last telemaketing job I had I was canned for not making quata. ( now I know why I'm getting out of this industry) The one before that I couldnt make my bus home in time for the daycare to drop off Miranda. I'm sooo tired of these "I'll get by jobs" But then again...I always get by. So you say your going to school now...for what? I think thats good. How is the wedding planning going? I bet your getting excited...just a month or so away isnt it? How is the rest of the clan? How is David and Jer? Tell Jake I said Hi...He no longer wants to speak to me...He says I ruied his life...I think we both put a nail in our coffens...We just were not good for eachother and in the end we brought out the worst in eachother...If I did ruien his life (witch I think is a bit dramatic) Then my intentions were not to do so. although he has given me a truck load of baggage to boot as well, so maybe we are even. I wish him lots of love and luck. He still is a nice guy...For someone else. Anyway tell him to sit back and breath and do good on his extership...the hardest part of all this is right around the corner.. His going to need his brain power and emotional energy. I know you think that I use people...In the past I did. There is no point in deneying that. However in my old age I have been used myself so I know how it feels. I know that you think I play with men alot...I have in the past, again no point in denying it. But I have been played with so I dont do it anymore. I know that there is alot of things that you think about me. and alot of it is true, and I have beed aware of who I am for quite sometime. There was a point that I was not a good mother, as my child and I have grown together, I have become a good mother, There was a point that I was very shaloow, I still am sometimes. But I work on that. There was I time that I lied and stole and cheated friends and lovers and I cannot take any of that back anymore than you can take back the mistakes you have made in your life. I have hurt you. Yes. I know you think that I think I am better than you. I am not. There have been times I have acted this way...Yes. I have made mistakes with you and our friendship. The truth is, I am no better then you or anyone else, but sometimes I act that way, and I don't know why, but I am working on this asspect of my life, I've admitted it and am working on a way to fix this for myself. I think it has alot to do with some of the things I've gone through ( or put myself through) over the years, I can be dramatic and edgy...(although I like this about myself) anyway I just want you to know that for whatever it is worth.... I applogize. I am no better or worth no more then you or anyone else for that matter, I'm still me I'm just am a more bitter and wiser me with more baggage. So I hope you can understand that. Anyway, Write me back , I'll talk to you later, Friends.... 10:58 p.m. - Sunday, Sept. 19, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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